just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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