Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everclear isn't food dammit
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
