Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My pussy is not your playground.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize