Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
