my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
