Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
