I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
