Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
