i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
