Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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