I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
