Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
