yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
