I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
