dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
