plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
