if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
