Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
