I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
