I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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