Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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