it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize