As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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