i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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