why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
