she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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