when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize