On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
