just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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