whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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