im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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