im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
