He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
