Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
