my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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