You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
