I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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