Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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