the condom got lost in my hair
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
