Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
