1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
