I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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