She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
