Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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