im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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