So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
