my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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