Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
