Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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