and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
