i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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