I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my shit smells like andre
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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