Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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