whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
