I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
