and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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