i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
