Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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