This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
