Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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