You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
