Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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