Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize