there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize