I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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