he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
