thus making me awesome and them whores
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Vodka?
Forever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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